Please don’t let me drift away in a cloud of smoke, like the ones that stained my clothes. And the smell of cedar.. The aging pine, My obsession with losing time The parallels run seamlessly It feels like I’m always ten years behind You may not see it But I feel it each day Your subtle imprint means everything to me. Have I been runny away from the unavoidable truth of a life.. and a legacy gone Cling to the picture you took that moment you will hold for the rest of your life. The greenery in his eyes that torch you will carry in time The arches that frame his face the wrinkles from laughs he shared with your mother The purest lessons he taught, you and your brother If it isn’t clear, your guidance is whats kept me here. I won’t keep it at arms length, oh no I won’t let this feeling Disappear

Grey The shifting side of twenty five. I’ll over analyze, Never wanting to look around. Keep me in Metaphors, Wrapped in the comfort of thought. Surround me, in similes don’t get to close Despraite to dream ahead, wanting to change the world, Yet can’t get out of bed Take pity on me please for all of my imperfections just don’t ask what really keeps me up at night. So focused yet so flawed My biggest support gets ignored. David can’t take a compliment. He’s so down on his work He preaches of positivity, yet can’t seem to sell his own self worth Without criticizing every single thing that’s he’s ever done You know kid, you won’t have any friends left with the man you’ve become. I’m flawed yet dammed If I’m trying The smell of cedar The aging pine look for a pattern to change the threads of time. Fret not little bird, raise your chest up boisterously Don’t you pay any worry to the lingering thoughts that some day I will be gone. If you only knew which way the wind would blow you wouldn’t get to flap your wings those precious wings. Think about that would you? Don’t compress my simple needs with something triangular in nature I fear I have far to much to learn if you’re not too weak to teach it I see the anguish in your eyes and I promise I am listening I see the anguish in your eyes and I promise I want to make it stop I want to love I want to share I want to show you how much I care I just want peace I just want to be happy

Sometimes I hold my breath in the rain because I forget, you can only drowned If it surrounds you thats the problem it envelops me like a deep pit of a half rotten peach The certainty Of misery It’s unavoidable Although I struggle with hitting my marks. Actings always been a part of what makes sense Take method with me when I’m gone envelop every fleeting thought and hold onto it like a snow globe . I’m sorry I’m sorry? I’m sorry? Where you talking? I’m not trying to be inattentive I’m not trying to be rude I just keep filling up the snow globe Forgive me please, if I’m scattered out in sorts, for every woman that I’ve ever met I’ve become enriched entranced and slightly obsessed I blame it on the complexities or maybe it’s just their natural amenities like the way your young beauty caught my wandering eyes by surprise And every man that’s ever walked up I’ve felt intimidated angry or exposed tell me what threat do you impose Are my actions too extreme? Am I being to cautious? Do I have a reason for being this thoughtless Every interaction is lost on me There’s nothing to mend it’s just nervous sleep As I wait Anxiously for the torture to ensue it’s nothing new When you’re miserable, I only exist as a hopeful. In muted colors things are contrived I try my best to channel whats inside Cling for the moment when you’re truly alright Varnish the mask made from little brass pieces Don’t think too much let it flow naturally Gently step out in to the hall try to prepare yourself for that empty phone call Every interaction is lost on me There’s nothing to mend it’s just nervous sleep As I wait Anxiously for the torture to ensue it’s nothing new If i wasn’t trying so hard before Ignoring the questions the message scorned the rest is up to you I’ve held on to these feelings far too long (It is haunting Will you stay with me? I just need some better company) (It is haunting Will you stay with me? I just need some better company) The dial tone is your lullaby It swells and shakes the fever you can’t break I live in space that are extremely hard to reach between being ecstatic just to take another breath and being laced in pure misery it transcends past who I want to reach and what I’m trying to achieve I’m met with my own idiosyncrasies becoming un-stitched at the seams until I’m a lesser form Like a monarch butterfly Reverting back to the moments that have molded these last few years Is it clear that I haven’t shaped them? Am I at fault ? Am I the Martyr?

Is this what it feels like to be older. Having one foot planted in the budding soil with the roots firmly grasping It down, while branches ate reaching up for more? All I'm met with is the rain to wash away all my quiet distain for the ever growing cliché that is my last name. All I'm faced with is the current that continues to rise. I don't care about feeling At least not in the same way I'm content with drowning If here I have to stay I think of you often When the room starts to spin. I worry of this too When will these words begin to mend More than just a muse, you represent everything and everyone I have to lose. If you only knew The fable untold about the boy growing old. Too proud to admit. The help he needs. When I had it up to here When will I grow? He conditions himself to a place He used to be afraid of? Now he reflects Why worry? Please be patient with my misplaced anger Try to understand I view myself as a failure. And all this unhappiness seems to fluctuate I’ve been too afraid to tell anyone. Let me be composed of the grim diatribe that is my solemn state of solidarity. It won't vanquish the thirst I obtain from feeling alone. I abstain the notion that I'm complete or fringing on the prospect of peace, I admit I seem cross or cowardly. I only wish I could shine in a different light. I comprehend what happens beyond closed doors. I only wish you see my cries. I'm not trying to to be cross or cowardly I just want you to comprehend a different view . I know I'm met with the advent of a message. But tell me what's in it for you? Are you passing at the promise of purpose? I understand the hesitation all to well. Are you mindful of the misguided misery? The cross I place, its mine to bear. I'm a stimulate of indulgent behavior. Followed by a period of punishment, I’m self aware I've spent years engulfed in this cycle. Reveling in my own dispair . if you have The decency to whisper directly, instead of avoiding my apologetic eyes. Don't jest at my avid misfortune, I could confide with you on my worriedest of nights I could tell you all my secrets you could start to really listen to me Please be patient with my misplaced anger Try to realize I view myself the failure. I could confide with you on my worriedest of nights

Death of a lover Personal and precise Gleaming in the moonlight Oath to all I can only recall Through a cherry field summer inter cut with only the purest moments that make a rampant memory disregarded at the time yet in hindsight highlights that define a lifetime of leisure. A red splotch staining the skin. It reminds you of the rose cheeks and chapped lips of winter. For once you don't feel so cold and alone. you lose yourself on the overgrown trails. In youth there is an unpredictable truth to actions and emotion. It ebbs and flows in a cascading waltz The melody can be found mocking the wavering winds The felt pen drunkenly dances on the parchment. The young writer wants to collide in a coffin. Yet can't find the words to travel there. He is transfixed in the moment of momentary satisfaction. What happens when age starts to steal the glimmer of light? only leaving a reflection of cracks and effervescence. Are you feeling aged? A lifetime of lacerations. I'm grateful for not being lost in the mundane yet I fear of being replaced. You know its true i’m just so very ashamed and I can’t help it We want desperately to be of value Not in trinkets Nor in velvet Not in short stories, song or sonnets Maybe we’ll live Somewhere colder Maybe we’ll have a second chance Where we’re older and see lately I’ve been feeling kind of down and upset about myself I think about thoughts moments I was happiest. I transfix on the light that reaches the arch in your back If theres beauty in everything around me why do I feel so bleak? why does my life feel like in incomplete chapter I just want to be someone better I just want to live out the weather I know I’m not proud of myself I hope that one day I see what you do

Streets of my mind are littered with broken glass; you’ll get cut if you walk with me. There are things I thing you should know Your patient eyes grow faint — Honey I think you have it all wrong. I’m not as complex as you paint in your dreams you really aren’t all that deep.. Darling PLEASE DON’T Interrupt me. Listen I have tried to stay passive yet more interactive with the ever growing problem that is your day. No I don’t see it as mundane . I just want to stare outside of these four walls and look past the blues Into a different hue thats far reaching of stars. Can we not speak if all we do is talk? It’s like a race of pure distaste Humor me please if you will? Please keep your ego in check. It’s bound to break with the lightest bump Don’t lie to yourself and I, you cannot handle what you ask. I have played the doctor stitching up your wounds. You're far too fragile for the things you ask to hear. No you cannot take a joke without getting more hurt than before. If you're so worried of my well being, where can you be found when I am left withering in my thoughts. Washing it down with whiskey while you sip wine! It's not classy to reach for alleviation everyday, just when I've run out of things to say the liquor gives words a home, I've held back. And you constantly overreact. My bones are brittle with all the belittling. I understand your need of importance yet I plead for you to look inside Tell me what do you see? I bear the burden these ailments that have tortured me. Through time My Insecurities are an irrational fear of imperfection. I take this out on you to make sense of myself. Questionable antics ensue What have I done to myself What have I done to you? We want desperately to be of value Not in trinkets Nor in velvet Not in short stories, song or sonnets something more lovely then that In everlasting existence Carried in a tomb left for two Only giving forth one rule We are the same and we will be treated as such x2 If i could be more accountable for my actions. If I could be more understanding of your distractions. We could find peace with the love we have You are the reason I make art You are the reason I live at all I'll scream from vacant streets Through distant trees To show how much you mean to me You are the person of my dreams. You are the reason I believe In torrid tales of pure romance. Through my guarded eyes Through my guilty disguise We will find love that works You are the reason I make art You are the reason I live at all I'll scream from vacant streets Through distant trees To show how much you mean to me You are the person of my dreams. You are the reason I believe In torrid tales of pure romance. Through my guarded eyes Through my guilty disguise We will find love that works My Insecurities are an irrational fear of imperfection. I take this out on you to make sense of myself. We will find love that works