1. |
The Absence of
03:06
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Please don’t let me drift away in a cloud of smoke, like the ones that stained my clothes.
And the smell of cedar.. The aging pine,
My obsession with losing time
The parallels run seamlessly
It feels like I’m always ten years behind
You may not see it
But I feel it each day
Your subtle imprint means
everything to me.
Have I been runny away from the unavoidable truth of a life.. and a legacy gone
Cling to the picture you took
that moment you will hold for the rest of your life. The greenery in his eyes
that torch you will carry in time
The arches that frame his face
the wrinkles from laughs he shared with your mother The purest lessons he taught, you and your brother
If it isn’t clear, your guidance is whats kept me here.
I won’t keep it at arms length, oh no
I won’t let this feeling
Disappear
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2. |
Grey
04:55
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Grey
The shifting side of twenty five. I’ll over analyze, Never wanting to look around. Keep me in Metaphors, Wrapped in the comfort of thought.
Surround me, in similes don’t get to close
Despraite to dream ahead, wanting to change the world,
Yet can’t get out of bed
Take pity on me please for all of my imperfections just don’t ask what really keeps
me up at night. So focused yet so flawed My biggest support gets ignored.
David can’t take a compliment. He’s so down on his work
He preaches of positivity, yet can’t seem to sell his own self worth Without criticizing every single thing that’s he’s ever done
You know kid, you won’t have any friends left with the man you’ve become. I’m flawed
yet
dammed
If I’m trying
The smell of cedar
The aging pine
look for a pattern to change
the threads of time.
Fret not little bird, raise your chest up boisterously
Don’t you pay any worry to the lingering thoughts
that some day I will be gone.
If you only knew which way the wind would blow
you wouldn’t get to flap your wings those precious wings.
Think about that would you?
Don’t compress my simple needs with something triangular in nature
I fear I have far to much to learn if you’re not too weak to teach it
I see the anguish in your eyes and I promise I am listening
I see the anguish in your eyes and I promise I want to make it stop
I want to love
I want to share
I want to show you
how much I care
I just want peace
I just want to be happy
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3. |
St. Elsewhere
06:48
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Sometimes I hold my breath in the rain because I forget, you can only drowned If it surrounds you
thats the problem it envelops me
like a deep pit
of a half rotten peach The certainty
Of misery
It’s unavoidable
Although I struggle with hitting my marks. Actings always been a part of what makes sense Take method with me when I’m gone envelop every fleeting thought
and hold onto it
like a snow globe .
I’m sorry I’m sorry? I’m sorry?
Where you talking? I’m not trying to be inattentive I’m not trying to be rude
I just keep filling up the snow globe
Forgive me please, if I’m scattered out in sorts, for every woman
that I’ve ever met
I’ve become enriched
entranced
and slightly obsessed
I blame it on the complexities
or maybe it’s just their natural amenities like the way your young beauty
caught my wandering eyes
by surprise
And every man
that’s ever walked up
I’ve felt intimidated
angry
or exposed
tell me what threat do you impose
Are my actions too extreme?
Am I being to cautious?
Do I have a reason for being this thoughtless
Every interaction is lost on me There’s nothing to mend it’s just nervous sleep As I wait Anxiously
for the torture to ensue
it’s nothing new
When you’re miserable, I only exist as a hopeful.
In muted colors things are contrived I try my best to channel whats inside
Cling for the moment when you’re truly alright Varnish the mask
made from little brass pieces
Don’t think too much
let it flow naturally
Gently step out in to the hall
try to prepare yourself
for that empty phone call
Every interaction is lost on me
There’s nothing to mend it’s just nervous sleep
As I wait Anxiously
for the torture to ensue
it’s nothing new
If i wasn’t trying so hard before
Ignoring the questions the message scorned
the rest is up to you I’ve held on to these feelings far too long
(It is haunting Will you stay with me? I just need some better company) (It is haunting Will you stay with me? I just need some better company)
The dial tone is your lullaby
It swells and shakes the fever you can’t break
I live in space that are extremely hard to reach
between being ecstatic just to take another breath
and being laced in pure misery
it transcends past who I want to reach
and what I’m trying to achieve
I’m met with my own idiosyncrasies
becoming un-stitched at the seams
until I’m a lesser form
Like a monarch butterfly
Reverting back to the moments
that have molded these last few years
Is it clear that I haven’t shaped them?
Am I at fault ?
Am I the Martyr?
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4. |
Confide
05:49
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Is this what it feels like to be older.
Having one foot planted in the budding soil with the roots firmly grasping It down, while branches ate reaching up for more?
All I'm met with is the rain to wash away
all my quiet distain for the ever growing cliché that is my last name. All I'm faced with is the current that continues to rise.
I don't care about feeling At least not in the same way I'm content with drowning If here I have to stay
I think of you often
When the room starts to spin.
I worry of this too
When will these words begin to mend
More than just a muse,
you represent everything and everyone I have to lose.
If you only knew
The fable untold about the boy growing old. Too proud to admit. The help he needs. When I had it up to here
When will I grow?
He conditions himself
to a place
He used to be afraid of?
Now he reflects Why worry?
Please be patient with my misplaced anger
Try to understand I view myself
as a failure.
And all this unhappiness seems to fluctuate I’ve been too afraid to tell anyone.
Let me be composed of the grim diatribe
that is my solemn state of solidarity.
It won't vanquish the thirst I obtain from feeling alone.
I abstain the notion that I'm complete
or fringing on the prospect of peace,
I admit I seem cross or cowardly.
I only wish I could shine in a different light.
I comprehend what happens beyond closed doors.
I only wish you see my cries. I'm not trying to to be cross or cowardly I just want you to comprehend a different view .
I know I'm met with the advent of a message.
But tell me what's in it for you?
Are you passing at the promise of purpose? I understand the hesitation all to well. Are you mindful of the misguided misery?
The cross I place, its mine to bear.
I'm a stimulate of indulgent behavior. Followed by a period of punishment, I’m self aware
I've spent years engulfed in this cycle. Reveling in my own dispair .
if you have
The decency to whisper directly, instead of avoiding my apologetic eyes. Don't jest at my avid misfortune,
I could confide with you on my worriedest of nights
I could tell you all my secrets you could start to really listen to me Please be patient with my misplaced anger
Try to realize I view myself the failure.
I could confide with you on my worriedest of nights
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5. |
Cherry Field
07:03
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Death of a lover
Personal and precise
Gleaming in the moonlight
Oath to all
I can only recall
Through a cherry field summer inter cut with only the purest moments that make a rampant memory disregarded at the time yet in hindsight highlights that define
a lifetime of leisure.
A red splotch staining the skin.
It reminds you of the rose cheeks and chapped lips of winter. For once you don't feel so cold and alone.
you lose yourself on the overgrown trails. In youth there is an unpredictable truth to actions and emotion. It ebbs and flows in a cascading waltz
The melody can be found
mocking the wavering winds
The felt pen drunkenly dances on the parchment.
The young writer wants to collide in a coffin.
Yet can't find the words to travel there.
He is transfixed in the moment of momentary satisfaction. What happens when age starts to steal the glimmer of light? only leaving a reflection of cracks and effervescence.
Are you feeling aged?
A lifetime of lacerations.
I'm grateful for not being lost in the mundane
yet I fear of being replaced.
You know its true
i’m just so very ashamed and I can’t help it We want desperately to be of value
Not in trinkets
Nor in velvet
Not in short stories, song or sonnets
Maybe we’ll live Somewhere colder
Maybe we’ll have a second chance Where we’re older
and see lately I’ve been feeling kind of down and upset about myself I think about thoughts moments I was happiest.
I transfix on the light that reaches the arch in your back
If theres beauty in everything around me why do I feel so bleak?
why does my life feel like in incomplete chapter
I just want to be someone better I just want to live out the weather
I know I’m not proud of myself
I hope that one day I see what you do
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6. |
Conversation A:B
12:13
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Streets of my mind are littered with broken glass; you’ll get cut if you walk with me.
There are things I thing you should know Your patient eyes grow faint
— Honey I think you have it all wrong.
I’m not as complex as you paint in your dreams you really aren’t all that deep..
Darling PLEASE DON’T Interrupt me.
Listen I have tried to stay passive yet more interactive with the ever growing
problem that is your day.
No I don’t see it as mundane
. I just want to stare outside of these four walls and look past the blues
Into a different hue
thats far reaching of stars.
Can we not speak if all we do is talk? It’s like a race of pure distaste Humor me please if you will?
Please keep your ego in check.
It’s bound to break with the lightest bump Don’t lie to yourself and I,
you cannot handle what you ask.
I have played the doctor stitching up your wounds. You're far too fragile for the things you ask to hear.
No you cannot take a joke without getting more hurt than before.
If you're so worried of my well being,
where can you be found when I am left withering in my thoughts. Washing it down with whiskey while you sip wine!
It's not classy to reach for alleviation everyday, just when I've run out of things to say
the liquor gives words a home,
I've held back.
And you constantly overreact.
My bones are brittle with all the belittling.
I understand your need of importance yet
I plead for you to look inside Tell me what do you see?
I bear the burden
these ailments that have tortured me. Through time
My Insecurities are an irrational fear of imperfection. I take this out on you to make sense of myself.
Questionable antics ensue
What have I done to myself
What have I done to you?
We want desperately to be of value
Not in trinkets
Nor in velvet
Not in short stories, song or sonnets
something more lovely then that
In everlasting existence
Carried in a tomb left for two
Only giving forth one rule
We are the same and we will be treated as such x2
If i could be more accountable for my actions.
If I could be more understanding of your distractions. We could find peace with the love we have
You are the reason I make art
You are the reason I live at all I'll scream from vacant streets Through distant trees
To show how much you mean to me
You are the person of my dreams. You are the reason I believe
In torrid tales of pure romance.
Through my guarded eyes Through my guilty disguise We will find love that works
You are the reason I make art
You are the reason I live at all I'll scream from vacant streets Through distant trees
To show how much you mean to me
You are the person of my dreams. You are the reason I believe
In torrid tales of pure romance.
Through my guarded eyes
Through my guilty disguise
We will find love that works
My Insecurities are an irrational fear of imperfection. I take this out on you to make sense of myself.
We will find love that works
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