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Letters Of Resignation

by Seasonal

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1.
This empty house flooding with self doubt This buzzing mind, can’t seem to unwind. What I’d hope that I’d really be That sparkle in your eyes The summer dress you wore in spring But mother winter just won’t leave I reprise my role As the canary at your window seal We’ll cry out of tune You’ll lock me away The melody I’ll sing For days and days La da da la da da la da da da La da da la da da la da da da La da da la da da la da da da La da da la da da la da da da I can not sleep Without you I can’t breathe You’ll say “Go back to bed.. Try not to dream”
2.
Eating crow everyday. I’m so very afraid. I can’t recall a more fragile moment in my life As I try to reverse this harried conclusion My skills are seemingly obsolete as I grow weary with each day we meet Like the forgotten moon or a famished flower I wither and worry away. Like the forgotten moon or a famished flower I wither and worry away. Yet there you sit, softly sleeping off the storm In the most beautiful way I envy you. The tears and terrors you lack The sleepless nights spent dwelling on the past Seem to be the only things holding me back. the wind wants to dance But the cadence won’t show and the melancholy sound is a ringing in my ear I can’t let anything go As tress are ripped from the earth, your conscience waits for the sound of those yellow birds The glow of sunlight the destruction never occurred. Yet here we are Yet here we are
3.
Colossal 03:43
Time Spent on time spent wasting worthless thoughts on so close I can taste it burnt out on high hopes and pipe dreams it hurts too much to let this go It hurts too much to let go I’ll never let this go I can’t take Living at the glacial pace My porcelain picture still hangs upon the wall with a chisel in one and a paintbrush in the other What will I become? What will come of us And i wither and I worry and day by day I reflet Is it worth the pain I’ve spared We are colossal We are colossal We are colossal in our eyes although never meant to shine We are colossal in our eyes although never meant to shine Time Spent on time spent wasting worthless thoughts on so close I can taste it But I’ll never let this go Latched onto bleeding hearts and broken homes I cling onto vacant stares and let down shoulders When will our final hours Mean enough Mean enough
4.
I struggle to find the questions that set me apart knowledge isn’t what’s lacking it’s what’s beating in my heart I’ve crawled too far away. like a child lost in the dark. They’ve left me stranded claimed hide and seek from the start We both have changed I just thought that maybe things could have stayed the same You had to cure I had to act Now I find myself sticking to the script While you were written out Did you get paid to walk away? Did you find a better part to play? When you took your final bow I would have begged for you to stay Did they throw roses? Did they cheer out your name? Do you think of me sometimes? The fool stuck on the stage. I wonder if I will improve? Like maybe my mind will start to shift in a line, or a poem. Write, revise, relive, remember Live by the feelings of last December Worry, relief, rest, render Dead from the moment you first considered If I could play it back more clearly this time Replace the moments where the needle sticks, Count these memories; they can’t be fixed. I can’t be I can't be fixed Let me be driven by the past haunting the notions in my head. I am defined by true romance found in the poetry I’ve read. Though it’s patience and understanding in this world that I seek, I will be passionate and truthful with every word I speak. So you can try to tear me down with your lies and remarks. I’ve acted out my own life playing every part. Over in my head I will relive again. Trying to highlight the mistakes from beginning to end. Write, revise, relive, remember Live by the feelings of last December Worry, relief, rest, render Dead from the moment you first considered
5.
You saved your liquid courage for me on countless nights just like these Your stride is slow yet words are sharp and they cut and I wait for you to let me in I’d sleep on on the porch if you won’t let me in When we cut the line The backdrop falls My mind is open for display I can’t help but feel this In this moment, sitting on the river bank Like little kids staring up at the moon Joy and amazement, pure curiosity yet dreading having to go home soon I can’t make myself believe all the damage isn’t captured by anyone but me But hope is in this personal hell The knotted ring, my favorite band and the secrets we tell I want to shout so blatantly past the stars and through the sky I’ll love you sweetly from this day forth dear you are all I need I’ll patiently wait with each moment passing letting our hearts lead With you at my side I can dream at night With you at my side I can dream at night Where the sheep no longer ask to be counted or worn, where old men find comfort in their end
6.
Standing on a wire as my mother once did Our resemblance; covered by innocence The necklace she used to wear
. Oh, I’d watch her, How for hours I’d stare
. She'd be putting on her make up, 
A little bit of rouge 
She’d say, “Show the world what you can be” I needed to be beauty
, I wanted to be a ballerina Trying desperately to find out what balance really is The train doors open as I briskly walk out into the cold Hands Sway at my side as people pass me by I wonder what they'd say if they knew Greetings from New York when I was six years old Seeing that old jewelry store My father took me to as a little girl He spent two summers saving for the day they wed The pearls as white as his face the day she left only a note behind That same necklace now feels like lead weighing me down and out Buy a ticket to the observation deck recount the seconds it took to write whatever’s left of me this time why do we feel the need to say goodbye? And in that mirror I see my mothers face I wonder who else that I’ve made suffer like this is it my father? perhaps my fiancé I wonder if the pain will slip away How could you leave us? Why should I live this way? Silent and proper I won’t harm anyone. Wet metal, cold to the touch My purpose lost, Am I capable of love? You broke our family Laid to bed in lust This cycle ends with me It’s all I have All I’ve ever known please don’t let them see All I can give is to take To anyone who will care, I plead, don’t let them see me
7.
Time 01:34
Is this really it Am I forgetting all that's lost in the end And if I refuse to grow up will I ever truly bloom again? Time is my mistress as far as I can tell She has given me far too long to dwell I'm homesick nearly everyday I think that's why I'm afraid I'm homesick nearly everyday I guess that's why I'm ashamed I think it's time for a change
8.
Can we forget about the last eight months and Start over, Like we always have wanted? is this a passing phase or a dreamlike state Where I still feel like I don’t belong here And I know you have those hurtful answers “Kid you need some thicker skin before you break” The winter solstice is taking it's effect again, and I am left with empty remorse among other things as I try to find a map to articulate how far off course I really am. The windstorm is begging to move forward whilst I cling to ideas abandoned yet not forgotten, Maybe I think too much Maybe I should start acting out On my own I’ve lost It all nothing has changed I still want more from life Is that selfish of me To find out what I have done and to start acting like we were made for this lets drift far away to an unfamiliar place where dreams aren’t only visible when we sleep I’ll move on in spite of myself With this life, I choose to be content in my skin
9.
I need this Like a sale at a funeral home a legacy diminished to a date on a marble stone where a star lilly lies at an empty space waiting for someone to take its place I don’t have the lungs to speak this properly but I hope a whisper will do I had the best of intentions surrounding an overflowing void I pour in and in until nothing is left the books almost finished and yet Self regard has been destroyed Hurting to share with faceless friends My longing for perfection it never ends but back to the point what’s my point? Why bother? back to my point what's the point? I’d hoped writing this letter would help make sense of my questions An outline of existence A blueprint for a better tomorrow Some call it brash but honest I’m being sincere Help reach a global headspace for things to become clear back on the path To find the meaning in my life an escape from the questions To put me back on the path To find the meaning in my life an escape fro the questions To put me back on the path To find the meaning in my life an escape fro the questions Time to pick myself up off this corporate depression hurting to share with faceless friends with you at my side With you at my side I can dream at night In time The Sun will rise With you at my side With you at my side I can dream at night The sun will rise

credits

released October 31, 2015

Recorded and Mixed by Russ Brownfield at Artisan Studio

Mastered by Hans Dekline of Sound Bites Dog Mastering

Artwork and Design by Darrin Wells at www.darrinwells.com

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Seasonal Norman, Oklahoma

An overly emotional band.

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